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Five astronauts with space suits on are standing at the front of the stage introducing themselves before their big mission....
Tom: My name is Tom Sensible and I am an English born physicist who graduated with honors at Oxford University. I do everything by the book and am extremely serious. I have a wife and 2 children, but space is my number one passion and I am pleased to be leading this mission into space.
(Walks back to his place and is replaced by Johnny Loudly).
Johnny: Howdy yal! I’m Johnny Loudly and I’m the biggest hoot scootenist real life astronaut this side of Californ eye aye you ever did see! I’m the Big Mac of Space, the Burger King of the Skies – I’m the
(interrupted by Celeste)
Celeste: Thank you Mr Loudly. Mr Wellington – would you like to come next?
Levin: (to Celeste) Cheers – but, ah, call me Levin aye Celeste. Tena koutou yous fullas. I’m Levin Wellington and I love adventures. I come from a little place at the bottom of the world called New Zealand.
Johnny: (interrupting) Oh yeah – I’ve heard of that place. Isn’t that in Australia?
Levin: Doubt it bro! Geez! Anyways – apart from being shot into space, I also like shearing sheep, eating steak and cheese pies, hanging out with me mates, and I once played for the Onehunga Under 21 rugby team. Chur!
Dropski Thaborla: Greetings fellow astronauts. My name is Dropski Thaborla and I Russian Cosmonaut. I very experienced in travelling to space and I am not only good when in spaceship, I also stand up comedian in my little town called MartinaNavaratalova. I tell you joke now.
Person rings up fire station and say to them – “Help, help, my house on fire.” Man who put out fire ask “How do you get there?” and person say back – “Hellooooooo – in that big red truck of yours!” Very funny ya?! (everyone smiles politely)
Tashakerill Echew: Hello, my name is Tasharkerill Echew, but you can call me Tasha. I was born in Shanghai, China but my parents moved constantly when I was younger to places like Australia, India, Ireland, Spain and Antarctica. I know my way around the world and am very much a people person which will help if we come in contact with any aliens on our journey. Oh, hang on – aliens aren’t people! I haven’t met any aliens so how do I know that I can get on with them. Well, this is a dilemma! What will happen if I ……
(interrupted by Celeste)
Celeste: Thank you Tasha. There is hardly any chance of meeting any other life forms, so you need not worry. Tom, Johnny, Levin, Dropski and Tasha – you are the chosen five and have been picked because of what you can bring to this mission.
Tom – for your sensible and level headed approach to tasks.
Johnny – for your brashness and confidence.
Levin - for your Kiwi – can do attitude and relaxed nature.
Dropski - for your experience in space.
Dropski: And I is also very funny ya?!
Celeste: Yes, Dropski, that too. And last of all Tasha – you have been chosen for you communication skills with others and your ability to waffle on for ages without getting to the point of what you really want to say. You will all have one week to prepare and say farewell to your loved ones. We will meet back here at 0700 hours on the 16th ready for liftoff at 1800 hours.